Homer says...

Words of wisdom from Homer Simpson:

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Weaselling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

"If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement."

"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

"It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen."

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems."

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"God bless those pagans."