Use of the car-horn in Vienam is an extremely important skill for drivers, but it's never in a threatening, fist-waving way like it is at home. It's always just a little toot to alert other drivers of your presence, just as the highway code says you should.
Crossing the road in Hanoi or Saigon is a leap of faith. You just need to step onto the road and keep walking, no matter how many cars and scooters appear to be hurtling towards you from all directions. You may occasionally need a little sidestep or shimmy, but whatever you do, don't stop and don't run; just keep walking slowly, and the traffic will miraculously avoid you. Seems to me that this organised chaos should be adopted in the West.
Friday, 30 March 2007
Am I fat or am I not?
I was buying a t-shirt in Hoi An and I wasn't sure what size to buy. The girl in the shop stepped back and looked at me and decided that I would need XXL.
The following day I comfortably managed to fit into one of the entrances of the Cu Chi tunnels, which were designed to be big enough for the Vietnamese to enter, but too small for the big-arsed American GIs.
So all I can ascertain is that I'm fatter than the Vietnamese and skinnier than Americans. No shit.
The following day I comfortably managed to fit into one of the entrances of the Cu Chi tunnels, which were designed to be big enough for the Vietnamese to enter, but too small for the big-arsed American GIs.
So all I can ascertain is that I'm fatter than the Vietnamese and skinnier than Americans. No shit.
Sunday, 18 March 2007
Soap Fan
We were having some noodles in a remote village shop/living room with some Vietnamese people the other day. On the TV was a Korean soap opera, with all the voices, male or female, dubbed into Vietnamese by one woman. During a particular scene, I pointed out to Gareth that this was clearly a dream. And sure enough, it cut to the lead character waking up in a cold sweat. At which point all the locals gasped in surprise and murmured some words which I assumed to mean "gosh, it was a dream". So it appears that I can predict Eastern soap operas better than the people who can actually understand them.
Drinking with the Thuongs
You've just finished your dinner and are having one last beer before going to bed, after a long day of trekking through the Vietnam rainforests, when you are invited to join the local villagers for a drink. Apparently the youngest member of the family is one month old today, which is a traditional family celebration.
There are about 30 family members there, seated at 3 tables, roughly split as (i) elder gents (ii) younger gents and (iii) the loopy women. There is only one other English speaker there, and a couple of French speakers, of which you have a small amount of knowledge. All other communication is done with hand gestures and facial expressions.
You start at table 1 and are given a shot glass full of rice wine. You are told that this is fairly weak, at only about 35% abv. You clink glasses with everyone else at the table and you all knock back the drink in one. Seconds later your glass is full again, and you repeat the process again. The first drink was for health, the second for family, the third for friendship etc.
After about 15 minutes you move onto table 2. This is much like table 1 except that the toasts are to more abstract things like somebody's haircut, or to rice wine itself. By now, many people are sporting wide grins. A short while later you move onto table 3. The women are vicious. If you spill a drop while clinking glasses or don't quite knock back the whole drink in one, they make you drink another glass as a forfeit. But you soon gain their respect by accepting their forfeits manfully, and they label you as "Mister Number One Man".
You go back to table one where the baby's grandfather is looking rather merry, yet somehow retains his dignity. A couple of rounds later and it's clear that, after just an hour, the drinking frenzy is winding down. Some people have scampered off to the toilet; others have gone to bed; one is giggling uncontrollably in the corner. A hard-core few remain at table 2 but they are now drinking at a more sensible rate and discussing Vietnamese politics.
What you've just taken part in is the most bizarre drinking session of your life. Extraordinary!
There are about 30 family members there, seated at 3 tables, roughly split as (i) elder gents (ii) younger gents and (iii) the loopy women. There is only one other English speaker there, and a couple of French speakers, of which you have a small amount of knowledge. All other communication is done with hand gestures and facial expressions.
You start at table 1 and are given a shot glass full of rice wine. You are told that this is fairly weak, at only about 35% abv. You clink glasses with everyone else at the table and you all knock back the drink in one. Seconds later your glass is full again, and you repeat the process again. The first drink was for health, the second for family, the third for friendship etc.
After about 15 minutes you move onto table 2. This is much like table 1 except that the toasts are to more abstract things like somebody's haircut, or to rice wine itself. By now, many people are sporting wide grins. A short while later you move onto table 3. The women are vicious. If you spill a drop while clinking glasses or don't quite knock back the whole drink in one, they make you drink another glass as a forfeit. But you soon gain their respect by accepting their forfeits manfully, and they label you as "Mister Number One Man".
You go back to table one where the baby's grandfather is looking rather merry, yet somehow retains his dignity. A couple of rounds later and it's clear that, after just an hour, the drinking frenzy is winding down. Some people have scampered off to the toilet; others have gone to bed; one is giggling uncontrollably in the corner. A hard-core few remain at table 2 but they are now drinking at a more sensible rate and discussing Vietnamese politics.
What you've just taken part in is the most bizarre drinking session of your life. Extraordinary!
Sunday, 4 March 2007
Double Bass
I figured out what the bassline was - it was Omar's "There's nothing like this".
You're probably wondering "whatever happened to Omar?" Well, he's just collaborated with Asher D (one thirty-fifth of So Solid Crew) on his latest album. So now you know.
You're probably wondering "whatever happened to Omar?" Well, he's just collaborated with Asher D (one thirty-fifth of So Solid Crew) on his latest album. So now you know.
Friday, 2 March 2007
Double Vision
I had my eyes tested a couple of days ago and apparently my eyes have improved by around 0.75 since my last test. If I continue at this rate I should have perfect vision by the time I'm around 55.
According to the optician I should have been experiencing double-vision, headaches and tired eyes recently because my current glasses are too strong. I'm certainly experiencing all those things today, but I'm pretty certain that it has more to do with last night's beer intake.
I'm not sure I believe too much of what he says though; when I mentioned that I'm going to Vietnam, he asked if I was going to see how the war is going. And when I was choosing which specs to buy, he tried to convince me that I should go for a hideous designer brand on the basis that, even though it would be more expensive, I would've actually 'saved' more money due to the 50% discount he was offering. Do people really fall for that clap-trap? I fear the answer is yes.
According to the optician I should have been experiencing double-vision, headaches and tired eyes recently because my current glasses are too strong. I'm certainly experiencing all those things today, but I'm pretty certain that it has more to do with last night's beer intake.
I'm not sure I believe too much of what he says though; when I mentioned that I'm going to Vietnam, he asked if I was going to see how the war is going. And when I was choosing which specs to buy, he tried to convince me that I should go for a hideous designer brand on the basis that, even though it would be more expensive, I would've actually 'saved' more money due to the 50% discount he was offering. Do people really fall for that clap-trap? I fear the answer is yes.
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