Saturday, 2 June 2007
Balloon monkey darts
Just what the internet was crying out for - a balloon-popping darts monkey game. Click on the monkey..
Saturday, 26 May 2007
Snaps
Just two months after returning from Indochina, here are some holiday snaps. This is the age of instant digital photography after all. (Click on the picture to enlarge.)
Rice wine frenzy (click here to see original post)
Cu Chi Tunnel entrance (click here to see original post)
Hard at work
Nice hat Gareth
Residents of the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh
Khmer Cookery - the result (click here to see original post)
Khmer Rouge rules and regulations. Nice chaps.
Angkor Wat temple
Ta Prohm temple
Rice wine frenzy (click here to see original post)
Cu Chi Tunnel entrance (click here to see original post)
Hard at work
Nice hat Gareth
Residents of the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh
Khmer Cookery - the result (click here to see original post)
Khmer Rouge rules and regulations. Nice chaps.
Angkor Wat temple
Ta Prohm temple
Thursday, 24 May 2007
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
Swede and Yorkshire Pudding
Has anyone noticed how alike Sven Goran Erikkson and Michael Vaughan look? No? Just me then.
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Thursday, 17 May 2007
Anyone know a good exorcist?
A short while ago Sky Sports suddenly, without warning, turned into BBC Radio Wales for a few minutes. And it was playing a Cher song.
I think my TV must be possessed by someone Welsh who likes rubbish American music and doesn't like cricket. I'm struggling think of anyone who might fit that description.
Either that or the cable company has been sending lizards down the line.
I think my TV must be possessed by someone Welsh who likes rubbish American music and doesn't like cricket. I'm struggling think of anyone who might fit that description.
Either that or the cable company has been sending lizards down the line.
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
Let's all shout at nutters
John Sweeney screaming at Scientologists on Panorama last night was the funniest thing I've seen on TV for ages.
Here is a link if you want to watch it over and over again.
Here is a link if you want to watch it over and over again.
Monday, 7 May 2007
Drives me crazy
(Or perhaps that should be 'me drives crazy')
Over many years there has been endless debate about a single European currency. Why no mention of a more sensible suggestion - a single road traffic direction?
- I drove on the wrong side of the road, which was right.
- I tried to go the right way round a roundabout, which was wrong.
- I followed a car the wrong way down a road, which was very wrong.
- I then went the right way up the same road whilst facing the wrong way, which was fun.
- While all this was happening the gearstick, handbrake and passenger seat were on my right, which was just plain silly.
Over many years there has been endless debate about a single European currency. Why no mention of a more sensible suggestion - a single road traffic direction?
Don't Cry for me Argentina
Overheard Northerners in conversation at the Benalmadena Palace Disco Bar:
Younger bloke:
"Who's the best player you've ever seen, like?"
Older bloke:
"Georgie Best, like, without a doubt mate."
Younger bloke:
"I'm too young to remember him, like, it has to be Cantona for me. Although that Madonna was pretty good in the eighties."
Older bloke:
"Eh eh, mad for it, mad for it."
(Okay, I may be making up the last line, but the rest is genuine)
Younger bloke:
"Who's the best player you've ever seen, like?"
Older bloke:
"Georgie Best, like, without a doubt mate."
Younger bloke:
"I'm too young to remember him, like, it has to be Cantona for me. Although that Madonna was pretty good in the eighties."
Older bloke:
"Eh eh, mad for it, mad for it."
(Okay, I may be making up the last line, but the rest is genuine)
Sunday, 22 April 2007
Lost weekend
On leaving the pub on Friday night there was the usual kerfuffle about where/whether to eat. Lynne wanted a curry; Matthew didn't; Mark wanted something cheap; Ali wanted another drink. I couldn't resist the aroma of the frying onions from the burger man on the street corner and I bought myself a burger. Ali was almost tempted by the smell too, but she ended up skipping off into the distance instead. I wandered into Holborn Station and jumped onto the first train I saw. After a little snooze I woke up at Turnpike Lane. So I got off and jumped on a bus to Swiss Cottage. As I was not far away, I decided to make a pilgrimage to the home of Cricket. I struck up a converation with a local homeless man about the state of English cricket. He was remarkably well-informed and had all the answers. I sauntered off towards Marylebone Station where, after calmly foiling some would-be muggers, I took a train to South Ruislip. On the walk home I bumped into some superheroes who invited me to a party. Despite my lack of fancy dress, I joined them for a couple of drinks and a few stunts on the garden shed roof. I eventually made it home as the sun was rising.
I assume that's what happened anyway, I seem to have lost a large chunk of memory.
I assume that's what happened anyway, I seem to have lost a large chunk of memory.
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
E's are good
A couple of months ago I booked some plane tickets through lastminute.com to go from Siem Riep to Hanoi. They were e-tickets.
Upon arrival at the Vietnam Airlines check-in desk, we were told that they aren't able to support e-tickets.
They had our names on their computer; the computer also told them that we had paid for our tickets; and which seats we had been allocated; we had our passports to prove who we were; and we had a booking reference number. But they couldn't let us on the plane because we didn't have any physical tickets. So we had to buy new tickets.
Obviously I'm going to claim the money back, but who do I claim it from?
1) Lastminute.com, on the basis that they shouldn't have sold us e-tickets which weren't usable.
2) Vietnam Airlines, on the basis that they shouldn't have made us buy a new ticket given that they knew we had already bought them.
3) Travel insurance company, on the basis that the first two are doomed to failure.
Answers on a postcard please. Or in the comments box.
Upon arrival at the Vietnam Airlines check-in desk, we were told that they aren't able to support e-tickets.
They had our names on their computer; the computer also told them that we had paid for our tickets; and which seats we had been allocated; we had our passports to prove who we were; and we had a booking reference number. But they couldn't let us on the plane because we didn't have any physical tickets. So we had to buy new tickets.
Obviously I'm going to claim the money back, but who do I claim it from?
1) Lastminute.com, on the basis that they shouldn't have sold us e-tickets which weren't usable.
2) Vietnam Airlines, on the basis that they shouldn't have made us buy a new ticket given that they knew we had already bought them.
3) Travel insurance company, on the basis that the first two are doomed to failure.
Answers on a postcard please. Or in the comments box.
Am I old or am I not?
I can now officially cook Khmer food - I even have a certificate to prove it.
During the cookery class, the teacher asked me how old I was. So I told her, much to the amusement of the rest of the kitchen staff. I asked how old they thought I looked, and after a little conference they decided on "one hundred".
Later on, downstairs in the same restaurant, the waitress noticed the date of birth on my certificate, and on seeing the incredulous look on her face, I asked her how old she thought I was. She said "nineteen".
During the cookery class, the teacher asked me how old I was. So I told her, much to the amusement of the rest of the kitchen staff. I asked how old they thought I looked, and after a little conference they decided on "one hundred".
Later on, downstairs in the same restaurant, the waitress noticed the date of birth on my certificate, and on seeing the incredulous look on her face, I asked her how old she thought I was. She said "nineteen".
Friday, 30 March 2007
Tooting common
Use of the car-horn in Vienam is an extremely important skill for drivers, but it's never in a threatening, fist-waving way like it is at home. It's always just a little toot to alert other drivers of your presence, just as the highway code says you should.
Crossing the road in Hanoi or Saigon is a leap of faith. You just need to step onto the road and keep walking, no matter how many cars and scooters appear to be hurtling towards you from all directions. You may occasionally need a little sidestep or shimmy, but whatever you do, don't stop and don't run; just keep walking slowly, and the traffic will miraculously avoid you. Seems to me that this organised chaos should be adopted in the West.
Crossing the road in Hanoi or Saigon is a leap of faith. You just need to step onto the road and keep walking, no matter how many cars and scooters appear to be hurtling towards you from all directions. You may occasionally need a little sidestep or shimmy, but whatever you do, don't stop and don't run; just keep walking slowly, and the traffic will miraculously avoid you. Seems to me that this organised chaos should be adopted in the West.
Am I fat or am I not?
I was buying a t-shirt in Hoi An and I wasn't sure what size to buy. The girl in the shop stepped back and looked at me and decided that I would need XXL.
The following day I comfortably managed to fit into one of the entrances of the Cu Chi tunnels, which were designed to be big enough for the Vietnamese to enter, but too small for the big-arsed American GIs.
So all I can ascertain is that I'm fatter than the Vietnamese and skinnier than Americans. No shit.
The following day I comfortably managed to fit into one of the entrances of the Cu Chi tunnels, which were designed to be big enough for the Vietnamese to enter, but too small for the big-arsed American GIs.
So all I can ascertain is that I'm fatter than the Vietnamese and skinnier than Americans. No shit.
Sunday, 18 March 2007
Soap Fan
We were having some noodles in a remote village shop/living room with some Vietnamese people the other day. On the TV was a Korean soap opera, with all the voices, male or female, dubbed into Vietnamese by one woman. During a particular scene, I pointed out to Gareth that this was clearly a dream. And sure enough, it cut to the lead character waking up in a cold sweat. At which point all the locals gasped in surprise and murmured some words which I assumed to mean "gosh, it was a dream". So it appears that I can predict Eastern soap operas better than the people who can actually understand them.
Drinking with the Thuongs
You've just finished your dinner and are having one last beer before going to bed, after a long day of trekking through the Vietnam rainforests, when you are invited to join the local villagers for a drink. Apparently the youngest member of the family is one month old today, which is a traditional family celebration.
There are about 30 family members there, seated at 3 tables, roughly split as (i) elder gents (ii) younger gents and (iii) the loopy women. There is only one other English speaker there, and a couple of French speakers, of which you have a small amount of knowledge. All other communication is done with hand gestures and facial expressions.
You start at table 1 and are given a shot glass full of rice wine. You are told that this is fairly weak, at only about 35% abv. You clink glasses with everyone else at the table and you all knock back the drink in one. Seconds later your glass is full again, and you repeat the process again. The first drink was for health, the second for family, the third for friendship etc.
After about 15 minutes you move onto table 2. This is much like table 1 except that the toasts are to more abstract things like somebody's haircut, or to rice wine itself. By now, many people are sporting wide grins. A short while later you move onto table 3. The women are vicious. If you spill a drop while clinking glasses or don't quite knock back the whole drink in one, they make you drink another glass as a forfeit. But you soon gain their respect by accepting their forfeits manfully, and they label you as "Mister Number One Man".
You go back to table one where the baby's grandfather is looking rather merry, yet somehow retains his dignity. A couple of rounds later and it's clear that, after just an hour, the drinking frenzy is winding down. Some people have scampered off to the toilet; others have gone to bed; one is giggling uncontrollably in the corner. A hard-core few remain at table 2 but they are now drinking at a more sensible rate and discussing Vietnamese politics.
What you've just taken part in is the most bizarre drinking session of your life. Extraordinary!
There are about 30 family members there, seated at 3 tables, roughly split as (i) elder gents (ii) younger gents and (iii) the loopy women. There is only one other English speaker there, and a couple of French speakers, of which you have a small amount of knowledge. All other communication is done with hand gestures and facial expressions.
You start at table 1 and are given a shot glass full of rice wine. You are told that this is fairly weak, at only about 35% abv. You clink glasses with everyone else at the table and you all knock back the drink in one. Seconds later your glass is full again, and you repeat the process again. The first drink was for health, the second for family, the third for friendship etc.
After about 15 minutes you move onto table 2. This is much like table 1 except that the toasts are to more abstract things like somebody's haircut, or to rice wine itself. By now, many people are sporting wide grins. A short while later you move onto table 3. The women are vicious. If you spill a drop while clinking glasses or don't quite knock back the whole drink in one, they make you drink another glass as a forfeit. But you soon gain their respect by accepting their forfeits manfully, and they label you as "Mister Number One Man".
You go back to table one where the baby's grandfather is looking rather merry, yet somehow retains his dignity. A couple of rounds later and it's clear that, after just an hour, the drinking frenzy is winding down. Some people have scampered off to the toilet; others have gone to bed; one is giggling uncontrollably in the corner. A hard-core few remain at table 2 but they are now drinking at a more sensible rate and discussing Vietnamese politics.
What you've just taken part in is the most bizarre drinking session of your life. Extraordinary!
Sunday, 4 March 2007
Double Bass
I figured out what the bassline was - it was Omar's "There's nothing like this".
You're probably wondering "whatever happened to Omar?" Well, he's just collaborated with Asher D (one thirty-fifth of So Solid Crew) on his latest album. So now you know.
You're probably wondering "whatever happened to Omar?" Well, he's just collaborated with Asher D (one thirty-fifth of So Solid Crew) on his latest album. So now you know.
Friday, 2 March 2007
Double Vision
I had my eyes tested a couple of days ago and apparently my eyes have improved by around 0.75 since my last test. If I continue at this rate I should have perfect vision by the time I'm around 55.
According to the optician I should have been experiencing double-vision, headaches and tired eyes recently because my current glasses are too strong. I'm certainly experiencing all those things today, but I'm pretty certain that it has more to do with last night's beer intake.
I'm not sure I believe too much of what he says though; when I mentioned that I'm going to Vietnam, he asked if I was going to see how the war is going. And when I was choosing which specs to buy, he tried to convince me that I should go for a hideous designer brand on the basis that, even though it would be more expensive, I would've actually 'saved' more money due to the 50% discount he was offering. Do people really fall for that clap-trap? I fear the answer is yes.
According to the optician I should have been experiencing double-vision, headaches and tired eyes recently because my current glasses are too strong. I'm certainly experiencing all those things today, but I'm pretty certain that it has more to do with last night's beer intake.
I'm not sure I believe too much of what he says though; when I mentioned that I'm going to Vietnam, he asked if I was going to see how the war is going. And when I was choosing which specs to buy, he tried to convince me that I should go for a hideous designer brand on the basis that, even though it would be more expensive, I would've actually 'saved' more money due to the 50% discount he was offering. Do people really fall for that clap-trap? I fear the answer is yes.
Monday, 19 February 2007
Phones, not 4 me?
I arranged to meet Mark & Reena at the pub the other day. I deliberately turned up half an hour late knowing that they wouldn't arrive on time, but they were even more tardy than I'd estimated, and hence I had another 20 minutes to kill. So I bought myself a new mobile phone.
It doesn't work.
I took the SIM card out of my old phone and put it in the new one. Actually, to be more accurate, firstly I took the battery out of my old mobile phone thinking it was a SIM card (well how was I supposed to know what a SIM card looked like?) and tried to insert it into the new one. It didn't fit.
So I took the SIM card out of my old phone and put it in the new one. It did fit.
Then I inserted the correct battery, and plugged the phone into the mains. Nothing happened. No flashing lights, no funky ring tones, nothing. Am I missing something really obvious, is there an on/off button or something?
And now, when I try to make my old phone work, it doesn't charge up. So now I am the proud owner of two mobile phones, neither of which works. No, scrap that. Now I am the slightly embarrassed owner of two mobile phones, neither of which works.
Omg, I am sooo previous!
It doesn't work.
I took the SIM card out of my old phone and put it in the new one. Actually, to be more accurate, firstly I took the battery out of my old mobile phone thinking it was a SIM card (well how was I supposed to know what a SIM card looked like?) and tried to insert it into the new one. It didn't fit.
So I took the SIM card out of my old phone and put it in the new one. It did fit.
Then I inserted the correct battery, and plugged the phone into the mains. Nothing happened. No flashing lights, no funky ring tones, nothing. Am I missing something really obvious, is there an on/off button or something?
And now, when I try to make my old phone work, it doesn't charge up. So now I am the proud owner of two mobile phones, neither of which works. No, scrap that. Now I am the slightly embarrassed owner of two mobile phones, neither of which works.
Omg, I am sooo previous!
Monday, 12 February 2007
Friday, 2 February 2007
My first 2 days at my new skool
Wednesday
i went bak 2 skl 2day. i went on a train. when i got there i met my teacher, who woz a big scary man wiv a beard. then i went out 4 lunch. then i surfed the net for a bit and then i went home.
Thursday
we went on a skool trip 2day. first we went in a car 2 the airport. then we got on a plane. it was just a small plane, not like the big one in the film snakes on a plane. one of the boys in my class was a scaredy-cat and didn't want to get on the plane. lol. when i woz on the plane i had some fizzy pop. i think it must have been out of date as it made my head feel a bit funny. when i got 2 france i had another drink which made me feel a bit funny too. omg, i think it had petrol in it. then we had lunch. i think they forgot to cook the burgers but no-one seemed 2 mind. then we went 2 the beach n played in the sand. a bit l8r we went bak home.
i went bak 2 skl 2day. i went on a train. when i got there i met my teacher, who woz a big scary man wiv a beard. then i went out 4 lunch. then i surfed the net for a bit and then i went home.
Thursday
we went on a skool trip 2day. first we went in a car 2 the airport. then we got on a plane. it was just a small plane, not like the big one in the film snakes on a plane. one of the boys in my class was a scaredy-cat and didn't want to get on the plane. lol. when i woz on the plane i had some fizzy pop. i think it must have been out of date as it made my head feel a bit funny. when i got 2 france i had another drink which made me feel a bit funny too. omg, i think it had petrol in it. then we had lunch. i think they forgot to cook the burgers but no-one seemed 2 mind. then we went 2 the beach n played in the sand. a bit l8r we went bak home.
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