Mind the Gap

So Gap have announced that they will destroy the clothes that were made for them in sweatshops in India. Precisely what does this achieve? Surely it would be more sensible to either donate the clothes to the needy children and their families, or to sell them as normal and then donate the profits accordingly.

I do wonder how many of the people who jumped onto the morality bandwagon, demanding the destruction of the clothes, are the same people who like to jump on the 'we should recycle more' bandwagon.

Incidentally, what is a bandwagon, and why do people like to jump onto it?

Bad day to bury bad news

There's no news today. I've just been listening to a radio phone-in show and these were the main issues:

- People will be discouraged from driving to the 2012 Olympics. No shit.

- Crack cocaine use may be more widespread than official statistics suggest. No shit.

- Supermarkets use too much packaging. Some are worse than others. No shit.

- The announcement of civil service job cuts leads to disgruntlement from staff. No shit.

- If Spurs continue to lose, Martin Jol's job may come under scrutiny. No shit.

- Didier Drogba claims he is happy at the club that pays him large amounts of money. No shit.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Mr Miserable - listen to 'Down the Line' instead.
Fortunately, he hates it when people agree with him.

Another day at the office

Some conversations I've overheard in the office recently. I can't decide whether it's way over my head or way beneath me. It's certainly not on my level.


- "It's all because of the magic white smoke in the CPU"
- "It's blue smoke, you heathen"


- "Is it a chemistry experiment?"
- "It's called a home-brew kit for a reason"
- "Oh"
(3 differing reactions from people in neighbouring offices to our office beer-making attempts)


"Using the arrow keys in vim insert mode is heresy"


"I got 19% in my networking exam"
(from our network administrator)


- "Can you take a look at this CV and give a rating between 0 and 10"
- "e"
- "OK, give me an integer between 0 and 10"
- "You haven't specified the base"
- "Fuck off"


"Oops, the hedge fund I used to work for just lost £80 million"


"I can't sit there, I don't like sunlight"


"What's Physics Dave's name?"


"Jasper's just not a functional or pictorial programmer, but he could be a decent programmer if he didn't hate it so much"


- "Is the number of elementary particles in the universe finite?"
- "Yes"
- "Do you want to bet a Mars bar on that?"

Blind Peter

I met a lovely couple on the bus last night. She was a shouty old hag, he was a blind paedophile. That's what she kept telling anyone who would listen anyway. Which was everyone, whether they liked it or not.

Or maybe she was saying "this is blind Peter File", it's difficult to say really.

Bible fight

www.adultswim.com/games/biblefight/

If you want to be Jesus, you can vent some frustration from that whole "being crucified" thing by smashing your opponents with your old rugged cross.

If you prefer to be Satan though, you can morph into a monstrous three-headed dog and charge across the screen at your enemy.

I found Satan to be more effective. What does that tell you?

Too tense for me

I received the following text message from somebody called "789" recently:

"Starting soon, we thought we'd text you when your Virgin Mobile balance is £2. That way, you'll never get caught short again!"

I may just be wearing my pedant's hat**, but isn't the first sentence just an aimless meander back and forth between tenses? It basically says: "In the future, we did something in the past when something presently happens".

My mobile phone usage has steadily increased over the last couple of years, to the extent that I'm spending more than a pound a month these days. But, if this is how I should be wording my texts, it appears that I have a long way to go before I can truly claim to be part of the mobile phone generation.

**or should that be pedants' hat, I ask in my pedant's voice. Or should that be pedants' voice?

It's a man's game

"Ooh, that nasty Scottish man just tapped me on the chin. I know, I'll run after him and give him what for. Actually no, on second thoughts, I'm a professional footballer so I'll fall over like a big nancy-boy."

103% fruitcake

I've just stumbled upon a random blog by a religious mathematics student. He claims:

"What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer this question:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D = 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!"

So there you go, proof if proof be need be.
What he fails to mention, however, is that B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%