Global yawning

You can argue all you like about whether human carbon emissions are responsible for global warming, or whether it is down to solar radiation, animal flatulence, cyclical fluctuations or God.

You can argue all you like about whether a 2°C rise in temperature would cause a large number of heat-related deaths or whether this would be offset by the global decrease in cold-related deaths.

You can argue all you like about whether it is better to spend billions on making a small reduction in carbon emissions or whether this money would be better spent on providing agriculture, manufacturing, healthcare and education in the areas that are most affected.

But I'm not going to; I'm going to have a snooze instead.

I am Butt-Ugly Elmer Hacke

Arrh! Shiver me timbers, I forgot to talk like a pirate yesterday.

You can find out your pirate name by clicking here.

Foot in mouth

I think I may have offended our Ukrainian cleaning lady yesterday. After accidentally betting on a two-or-more goal victory for AS Roma in their Champions League match against Dinamo Kiev, I was discussing the match. Just as the cleaner walked in, I remarked that "the Ukrainians are rubbish". She gave me an icy glare rather than her usual cheery smile.

I was right though, Roma won 2-0.

Strolling bones

I was walking home along the canal towpath at a moderate to brisk pace, when I approached an elderly jogger. Was it rude of me to overtake him?

This one goes up to 31

I realised recently that the volume on my mp3 player goes up to 31.

Eat that, Tufnel!

Muso musings

About 9 months ago I started trawling through my old cassette collection and I have now finally completed the quest. Unsurprisingly the results are good, bad, ugly and downright embarrassing in fairly equal measures.
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Forgotten Classics

Most interesting stuff that I'd forgotten I owned.

1) Richard Thompson - Rumour and Sigh.

Quirky and humorous with stylish guitar-playing. "I feel so good I'm gonna break somebody's heart tonight"

2) Bobby McFerrin - Simple Pleasures.

Marvellous solo a capella vocalism. "Don't worry, be happy", he says. I couldn't agree more.

3) Spinal Tap - Break Like the Wind.

Far better than the bands they were parodying. The only shame is that the album doesn't include Nigel Tufnel's classical piano ballad "Lick my Love Pump"

4) Dirty Dozen Brass Band - Voodoo

The clue is in the name. They're a brass band, there are about twelve of them, and they play dirty old jazz and blues classics.

5) Terence Trent Darby - Neither Fish Nor Flesh.

Intriguing rather than particularly good, this was a surprisingly bleak, uncommercial follow-up to his hugely successful debut album. "Billy my friend, don't fall in love with me, I'm not that kind of guy"

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White-man blues

The popular myth is that white men can't play the blues. This is clearly untrue.

1) Stevie Ray Vaughan

Shortly after his fatal helicopter crash in 1990, I seem to remember a stand-up comedian putting it quite nicely : "Proof that God doesn't exist. Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, yet Jon Bon Jovi lives"

2) Bobby Radcliff

I know very little about this guy except that he can produce some marvellously frenetic guitar pyrotechnics.

3) John Campbell

One-eyed growly-voiced Michael Bolton lookalike. But fortunately not soundalike.

4) Johnny Winter

His albinism makes him the whitest of all white blues men. Unless you count the head-to-toe tattoos.

5) The Allman Brothers Band

Rollicking Southern blues-rock that had me dancing around like a cretin. Includes "Jessica" (the Top Gear music). Hope I'm not turning into Clarkson.

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Stand-out tracks on otherwise mediocre abums

1) Good Morning Britain - Aztec Camera.

Cracking upbeat collaboration between Roddy Frame and ex-Clash frontman Mick Jones.

2) Norwegian Wood - Cornershop.

Hindi version of the Beatles song. ("Hai na ye achi, Norwegian Lakri")

3) Temptation - Wet Wet Wet.

Don't laugh. I'm not too proud to admit that I like this song. Oh, music can be an irrational beast.

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Drivel

1) Level 42 - Staring at the Sun

Mark King's high-chested pop-slap-bass can't disguise the fact that this is just dreary, monotonous rubbish.

2) The Animals

Nothing wrong the Animals, they wrote some classics in the late 60s. But I think this is a live album by a re-formed version of the group, and they sound like an eighties pub rock band doing bad covers of old Animals songs.

3) Dianne Reeves - Never Too Far

This starts promisingly with a lively jazzy tune, but quickly descends into soggy Whitney Houston-esque mush. The only positive is that it still had a price label on it, and it only cost me ten bob.

4) Billy Joel - Storm Front

Tripe.

The Glockberry

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